If you think you have it rough with all the crazy looking machines and exercises out there, you might want to take a gander at these photos of oldtimey exercise machines, from Retronaut.
Some of them seem to just be really complicated ways to injure yourself. Others are simply so baffling I’m not sure I could figure out any way to use them, never mind the correct way.
For instance, this thing:
I can only assume it makes you thinner by physically grabbing your stomach paunch with those giant pinchers and squeezing until you swear to give up cookies forever.
And then there’s The Strangler. Perfect for uppity housewives:
That’s enough sass out of you, Agnes. Back to The Strangler!
Or the ever popular Bunk Bed of Torture. The most complicated way to dislocate your shoulder ever invented!
Don’t forget the Foot Massager. It might not do much for your waistline, but it sure looks soothing:
This woman appears to be riding a kid’s toy horse. I’m not really sure why.
Oh, maybe it’s a knock off version of this:
And then there’s the Gentleman’s Bench. Exercise with all the dignity and ease of a gentleman. Unlike other machines, the Gentleman’s Bench never requires you to engage in ignoble pursuits like moving or sweating. Exercise with decorum and grace in the comfort of your living room: